Honk, honk!: part 2: Microbuses

They're called microbuses.  They're a great way to cozy up with some of your fellow Egyptians while only paying a small fee and they are probably the second most effective way of travelling around town.  Second only to taxis, whose downsides are they're more expensive and you never quite know who you're going to get as a driver.  However, microbuses the fare is cheaper - basically a set price of about 1.5 EGP pounds - and your interaction with the driver is to a minimum.

The name microbus says it all, but the maximum occupancy limit reaches about 15 persons.  Some have taken showers and brushed their teeth more recently than others.  You might be able to discern this because the sitting quarters are pretty tight.  The latter entails two outcomes: keeping your hands in plain sight and the awkwardness of it becoming increasingly apparent that there is no other place for the boarding opposite sex to sit anywhere, except for next to you.  Of these two results, the first revolves around exhibiting your lack of interest in other people's pockets and what is in them of valuables.  The second involves a technical term called "micro-scooching" whose goal is to ensure as little of your thigh and remaining person, between you and your sitting com-patriot, are touching as possible.  This would be easier to do given a slight bit more leg room.

Although, the occasional hand-to-hand contact is allowed between the sexes as paying your fare involves handing your 1.5 EGP pounds to the person in front of you who hands it to the person in front of them who hands it to the person in front of them who hands it the driver who then decides whether or not the length of your transit deserves change, or not, as there are some distances only costing 1 EGP pound, and others still are only at .75 EGP pounds.  Perhaps, for example though, you paid with a 5 pound bill in which case change is then due.  If so, the driver hands your change to the person behind him who hands it to the person behind him who hands it to the person behind them who hands it to you.

Well now your settled in, snug, hopefully not thigh-to-thigh with your opposing gender transit companion as that would just be weird.  Settled in, snug, and...what's that other one I'm forgetting?  Oh yeah, safe!  Oh wait, no, I'm not forgetting that one.  Microbus drivers make ends meet by filling up their vehicle with occupants and making as many trips in as little time as possible.  Turns out this equation doesn't involve any respect for superfluous notions such as speed limits, traffic lanes, tailgating distances, or the use of blinkers.    Although, to be fair, microbus drivers share this love of theirs of using the road to its fullest with taxi drivers, motorcyclists, and car drivers alike.  In light of these circumstances, there are some helpful hints to deal with high speeds while travelling in an over-loaded, speeding vehicle on crowded roads:

-Prayer.  Perhaps the greatest gift a microbus has to offer.  You might never feel so directed towards God as you will when you ride a microbus praying for safe arrival.  You might be held safe in the hands of God during the whole ride, but whether or not you recognize that is another issue...
-Look out the side windows and avoid looking ahead.  You know like when you climb up high on a ladder and folks tell you not to look down?  Apply that same vertical logic to a horizontal scale.
-Practice turning involuntary actions, like raising your hands or straining your neck from fear of impending collision, into seemingly purposeful ones.  For example, consider smoothing your hair out a little, as if that's what you originally intended to do, after your hand lifts itself up to help prevent a game of bumper cars from actualizing.

I think, so as not to keep you any longer, we'll end here.  The next entry though will cover the all important question of, how does one actually know which microbus to catch?  There are Lord knows how many of them and choosing the right one is after all essential, as failing to do so might result in a blog entry like that found under the title of "Mish Masri! Mish Masri!"  Although the Holiday of Slaughter is coming up on Sunday...that might take precedence over an entry about hand signals!